


In Return

by spotofpurple



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Human, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-06-10 07:27:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6945589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spotofpurple/pseuds/spotofpurple
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A somewhat airy fill of the prompt:<br/>"</p><p>    Louis is Harry's guardian angel.<br/>It's a lot of work watching over Harry. But Louis will do anything to keep Harry safe. Even leave the comfort of being an angel to rejoin the living. Falling in love wasn't part of the plan, though, and now keeping Harry alive means breaking his heart.</p><p>    I'm thinking he goes down to earth and becomes part of Harry's life. But his time is limited- at some point Harry's going to be in mortal danger and Louis' mission is to stand in for Harry. Like, step in front of that car for him.</p><p>    Of course, the powers above take pity and they end up living happily ever after. Right?</p><p>    (I'd prefer bottom!Louis or switching if it's rated E. No BDSM or a/o, please.)" by the lovely thedeathchamber.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Return

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thedeathchamber](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedeathchamber/gifts).



The first time Louis sees him, he is a baby. And even though he is an angel, Louis still thinks all babies look the same and it is only by the soul, by the tiny hue of a halo around the small body that he can distinguish them.

But Harry. Harry is like a dream, like a piece of the puzzle that just doesn’t fit in with the rest of the world. He stares and stares and stares some more, but Harry doesn’t make sense. Louis knows he should tell someone about a birth like this, a child that almost imprints upon his immortal soul in a way, but he keeps quiet. Because Louis might know a lot about the world, but why are some more precious than others, how can they be, he is scared to find out. Nevertheless, he knows, in all of his years he has concluded that there is nothing more precious than a normal, simple human life, layered, complex and unique. So, he takes it upon himself to protect this human in order to give him just _that_.

There are at least half a dozen angels that pick someone to look after at the same time, all significant, glowing fates of people destined for great things, but Louis never bothers to find out Harry’s fate. It doesn’t matter what he is destined to do, all it matters is that he lives, full breath in lungs and the thrum of the universe in his veins.

And Harry does.

It is an adventure, looking over a human accident machine, with all the near-death experiences that the child goes through just in the first decade of his life. Louis can’t die, not while he is still an angel, but he thinks he probably could have parted from breath a million times over the sight of Harry tripping and stumbling through the streets of London, overjoyed and happy and always, somehow, escaping death by a millisecond. Louis tries, he truly does, but somehow Harry always ends up only a breath away from a child murderer, a gun-down, a faulty electricity socket. It terrifies him, but fate seems to favor his rescuing, because nothing changes in Harry’s life for the first 18 years of Louis looking after him.

***

There is this way in which Harry smiles. As if there is a mystery behind a mystery in the fabric of the world and he can glimpse through and catch a reflection of the master-plan. Louis thinks he is going crazy with the way his immortal heart stumbles over itself when Harry cries, from pain or fear or simply because he is sad. And he gets sad, often and unusually, like the world around him pumps a bit of black into his vision and he gets scared, gets terrified of opening his eyes one morning and just seeing black. Pitch black.

And then, one day, Louis sees it. A storm of clouds most horrible, a shadow of death over the one he tries to protect. It isn’t here, yet, but it is looming and it isn’t even that Louis has to decide. The endless tug and pull he feels when he even thinks of Harry is stronger than ever, and now he also has a reason to go down and help him.

The gates of heaven creak open even before he stands still in front of them and Louis knows.

Of course, like all angels, he doesn’t remember being born, not even being alive before he just… was. Immortal, preserved, forever unchanged. And alone. So terribly, terribly alone he sometimes thought it isn’t completely normal that he feels it so much, because other angels around him seem perfectly content with their own thoughts.

Louis doesn’t remember becoming alive, maybe he was and is just a constant of reality. But, the undeniable truth is – if he steps through those gates and becomes human, he will remember dying. And even though every feather on his wings bristles against, Louis knows he will become human for this human of his, that it has to be so.

He spreads his wings for the last time, finally, a breath of magnificence around him as he stands in front of the gates. And then. _He lets go_.

There are other angels around him, smiling in their calm and knowledge and not one of them tries to stop him as he goes to die. Maybe, he thinks, that is because, in order to die, he first has to live.

***

He wakes up with memories. There is a double identity in his head, a creature with no links to the world of the living, an angel with a purpose. And then there is _Louis_. Louis has no family, no mother or father, but he _was_ , for 20 years, he was on the Earth, breathing and living and even though it seems there was no purpose to him before the angel came down, he knows it now.

Finding Harry is very easy. Louis thinks he probably knows the boy more than he knows his own immortal soul.

He is just starting university, wide-eyed and in awe of the world as he ever was and Louis finds it all too easy to bump into him on accident. _Right_.

Harry looks at him for the first time, an apology on his lips for being clumsy and his eyes widen a bit. Louis could almost believe Harry recognized him, somehow, impossible as it sounds.

“I am Harry.”, he says, hand extended in greeting and Louis shakes it without thinking. There is a spark of something tingling on his skin afterwards, as if the sole event of Harry and his angel meeting isn’t quite supposed to happen.

And it goes downhill from there.

Harry has this need, acute as it sounds, to always be near Louis. It is in no way annoying, but it is there, a thrum of “want, need, please” beneath all of Harry’s actions around him. It scares him, a bit. But in spite of it, he can’t help but feel _Louis_ , not just the angel, but truly Louis responding, chest bursting with pride and need to get closer, crawl into this chosen creature if he can. Because even though Louis never bothered to find out why Harry is special, he has no problems seeing that he truly is, magnificently so. He has no clue what great things Harry is supposed to do.

There are other people around them, of course. Friends Harry has and family, strangers to Louis the angel, but not so distant from the human Louis. He has no need to know them, to love or care for them, beyond the love he would always feel for all humans.

But when Harry loves someone, truly and with his entire heart, as he does so many people, Louis finds it unbearable to look away. That is how he ends up saving, with his two human hands now, Harry’s sister and the best friend when they get attacked by a thug in a park, how he pulls Harry’s best friend out of the water when he is drowning, how he stops Harry’s mother from entering a house about to catch on fire.

Louis knows when death looms around a person or a space, it is one of the things that stick to an angel, even when he is an angel no more. But the sheer amount of death surrounding Harry is horrifying. It is like the universe itself bends to come after him. And Louis, all he wants is to shout back that it can’t have him.

***

Harry cries, a lot and it is always in the solace of his tiny spaces, in his room, on the roof of his dorm, in a park at night. Louis shouldn’t get involved, not that deep, but he knew even up in heaven that he will never be able to stop himself.

So he doesn’t.

He finds Harry, always, hugs him close and just holds. And he tries not to notice the relief and the calm in Harry afterwards, tries not to hear when Harry tells him how happy he is that he belongs, finally.

Apparently, he is dating Harry by human standards, and even though Louis the human would find the speed at which he “falls in love” a bit too crazy, the angel always loved his human, there are no real surprise there.

“I love you.”, Harry says to him about three human months after they “meet” and Louis smiles and hugs him closer, better, brushes his lips against Harry’s and ignores the feeling that he shouldn’t be doing this. He is here to die for him, not love him. But loving Harry is the easiest thing to do, both for the human and for the angel. It must be fate, Louis convinces himself, because how would he otherwise explain that loving Harry now seems to correct a world that was a bit skewed? He used to think that it was Harry that was a bit wrong, a piece not quite fitting in, but now his world tilts the right way, finally and in all of his years, mortal and immortal, Louis never saw such perfection as when his universe finally grows around its center piece.

Saying “I have loved you even before you were born.”, isn’t something he should do. He does though, and Harry’s eyes widen and fill with warmth and peace and happiness. Louis doesn’t stop. He came to die for Harry, yes, but would it really hurt if he first made him as happy as possible?

It would turn out that, yes, it would hurt terribly so.

They are still young in being “together” when Harry tries to explain the dark, the all-encompassing terror he was born with.

“It’s like there are hands, dark hands, pulling me out and away always. And I don’t see them, but I can feel them. And it is the same with some people, many people, as soon as they touch me I feel like I am dying. What is wrong with me Louis?”

Louis has no idea, absolutely no clue. But he wants to know, God, does he want to know. And he can’t. There is no more knowledge or wisdom of the angels in his soul, except what he remembers.

“Nothing is wrong with you love, it is just that you feel the world differently than the rest of them.”

“Them?”, Harry asks, eyes wide in recognition and Louis can only nod and claim he feels it too. Maybe he does. Maybe the way he sees looming death all around Harry is the exact same thing Harry feels. Maybe Harry is half way to broken because Louis is too close to him, the angel in him seeping through and into the mind of an innocent human.

So, if there is only a slight possibility that it is him hurting Harry, making out the dark visible to him in the light of the world, Louis decides to guard from afar.

Trying to leave doesn’t actually mean succeeding to leave. Harry would never allow him to go, never be ok with him leaving and this is something Louis knew even before he attempted it. It seems stupid that he even tried.

***

“What is wrong Louis?” Harry is standing at the door of Louis’ new place, three cities across and a driving distance away, where he figured he could balance between too close and far enough.

“It is me, isn’t it? You got scared by the things I told you.”

His hands are trembling and there is resignation in his eyes, a simple giving up on the entire world. Louis can’t stand to see it, not for a second. Even touched by death his entire life, Harry never gave up, always kept smiling and offering more of his good, innocent soul for the darkness to claim, only to leave him alone. How then, did Louis fuck up this rescue mission he became alive to do? How did he become the stumbling stone that hurts so bad that Harry doesn’t even want to get up?

Since Louis doesn’t know how to fix it, he lets it go. Rushes forward and stumbles over words and apologies, trying to sound like his entire world isn’t ripping into pieces by the look of betrayal on Harry’s face.

The doubt is there, even after Louis apologizes and promises that it is his own demons he is running away from, Harry doesn’t believe him. Of course he doesn’t.

So Louis strips away it all, his entire being and fears into a touch, a trembling hand, a kiss. Harry grabs him and doesn’t allow much movement beyond the absolutely necessary. The trembling of Louis’ very heart is what convinces Harry in the end. Because, ironically, angels live their immortal lives as virgins. And, of course, Louis never even thought of using his human body for anything else but protecting Harry. So when Harry reaches out and takes, Louis can’t refuse. He doesn’t want to. Breathing into Harry’s breaths, sucking in the essence of what he truly is, Louis gets fucked and broken at the same time. And really, it isn’t that he is going to die soon that breaks him. That is the sole purpose of why he is here, so of course it follows. No, what breaks Louis is the clarity – he will have to die for Harry to live and, in return, Harry will get broken. That is all Louis’ pathetic sacrifice and entire existence will amount to, just a way to hurt more and push beyond the limit of suffering.

“I am sorry.”, he whispers into Harry’s mouth and it isn’t enough.

“You are perfect.”, Harry whispers back and now Louis knows it will never be enough.

***

It is a perfect, sunny, picturesque day when Louis goes. He knows it will happen from the moment he wakes up, Harry clinging to him like he always does.

He gets up, makes his human breakfast, wakes him up with kisses, drinks his smile in. Tries to pretend this is all to make it easier on Harry. Lies, all lies.

If this is only to make it less painful for Harry, Louis wouldn’t be here. He would be away, on the other side of the city, planning to come in for just one moment and no more. This is for Louis. The angel who fell in love even before he gave up his wings. And then came down and fell in love _with life._ He wants to live. With Harry, for however long they could have, just the two of them against the world.

“You make it brighter.” Harry says random things about his demons from time to time, uncovering bits of himself along the way. It is fate that he says this on the very morning Louis will die for him.

It is very simple. Harry leaves for Uni. He rounds the corner and a lorry driver loses control of his vehicle at the same time. It would be a full-on collision, an accident, nobody’s fault that takes a young life away. Louis knows, so he shows up, without explanation, just turns the same corner at a bit of a jog, a few meters in front of Harry.

What it is – simply a nightmare. Harry parts with his own mind when he seems who just ran in front of him like a lunatic, straight into the lorry which would have taken his life. He knows, for a split second it all aligns in his mind – this was the day the hands would have finally reached him. The darkness consumed him. But instead of that, Louis saves his life and gambles his own away in return.

Louis doesn’t see this. Dead people, even the ones that were angels before – they don’t get to see themselves dying. It is dark, like someone turned off the lights and it takes a split second for your eyes to adjust to the dark – that is what dying is.

What he wakes up to, when his eyes adjust, is heaven. He is back. Like nothing changed. Louis jumps to his feet and runs, without destination, just runs. It takes him a bit to realize that dead people don’t just open their eyes in heaven with a pair of wings on their back. Somehow, he is an angel again.

***

Of course, the first thing Louis does is ask for explanations. And, of course, they are not given just because he asked for them. The Beyond is a place a bit more complicated than that.

“You are a rare kind of angel Louis.”, the Voice tells him.

While he was an angel the first time, Louis believed that was God talking to him, even though he never saw anything but sparkles on the clouds. And often, even though there were other angels around, Louis never saw any of them act as if they were listening. He used to think it was just for him, when the Voice spoke, just inside his head.

“What?”, he asks more himself than anything else.

“Love is easy if there is no sacrifice.”

“Why am I an angel again? Why am I not just, simply, dead?” The Voice keeps quiet about that.

***

He goes to look at Harry, even though the is terrified of the effect his death had more than he was of dying.

Consumed. That is how Harry looks like, from above and probably from the side too, judging by the way his friends and family keep looking at him. Like there are no words of comfort that the boy will accept to make this easier on himself.

Louis blames himself. He would have known, he did know, even before he went down to Earth that Harry would be pushed to depths most deep if he ever lost someone he truly, honestly loved. That the difference between the light being present and absent from Harry’s life is just a switch. And the he went down to save him and ruined him in the process.

Desperately, Louis tries to convince himself that there was an option, a fate and a life in which he goes down to die for Harry and loves him only from afar, saves him just because, doesn’t drag him into the hell of guilt and separation. He tries, but the Voice sometimes asks him if all of his thoughts are really as honest and as pure as they should be in an angel. If maybe he is making it harder for himself on purpose, by not accepting the fate that is his as much as it is Harry’s.

***

The truest agony of all of Louis’ lives starts now. When he spends his newly immortal days watching Harry disappearing from existence.

It goes very slow. First, he is frozen in grief. Then, he is angry. Then he blames himself. At this point, Louis begins to think that these are stages of grief that he is looking at, maybe Harry will come out on the other end whole. Bruised and betrayed by what he thought is a forever kind of love, but still whole.

Then, a year passes and Harry is still there. In the dark corners of rooms and shady parts of town, looking for trouble. As if he ever needed to look specifically to find it.

Death, the ever present companion of his entire existence – finally broadens its hold and Louis watches in horror as Harry falls into the abyss he went down to save him from.

It is just a man with an evil look in his eye passing by. Midnight, a trouble out of nowhere, as it usually always was with Harry. Except this time, he doesn’t slip away by an inch. When the monster asks for money, Harry’s eyes widen in fear and something too alike expectation and in the next moment, it is over. A blade slides in, somewhere between Harry’s ribs. And then he twists. Maximum damage.

The street is silent, Harry’s blood drips slowly and soft gurgling is barely audible from his mouth. As the man runs away and the sound of boots hitting the rainy asphalt thuds, Harry’s eyes close for the last time.

And up in heaven, it is not silent at all, because there is an angel screaming at the unfairness of it all.

***

“That is why I went down to die! So he could live!” Louis’ voice is cracked, or maybe it is an artifact of his once human ears that he hears it so, because angels don’t run out of screams. Angels know better than to scream against destiny.

“No Louis. You went down so you could love him. And love him you do.”

Louis shouts and screams in return.

There are creatures around, all holy and dignified in their wisdom, staring in interest. It is almost scientific, how they look at him.

“This is how an angel falls. This is how the Devil is born.”, they whisper and it is perhaps destined to be so, Louis thinks. Maybe, if this is the fate that the Universe, the Voice, God, whatever it is, offers, maybe Louis is supposed to rebel against and fall into the depths of hell. Because, if Harry was meant to wither away like he was never there, no footprint of his giant, loving soul imprinted on the stars, then what the fuck is the point of miraculous heaven? Maybe he should be punished for his insolence at asking these questions and sent to think all of his sins in a place where there are numerous soul screaming in agony around him.

He doesn’t fall though.

Somewhere, from above and bit more, a voice speaks to him and Louis’ mind breaks, which is ironic in retrospect – it is the last thing he as to break yet.

“Louis. My Louis.” And if he were human, Louis would imagine he is hearing angels, but since he is one, there is only one voice that can come from above yet.

Harry laughs the laugh of the divine, bathed in gold and white, shining, magnificent wings attached to his back and a glint of wetness in his eyes. Louis loves those eyes, since the moment he saw them.

“I am here baby, stop screaming.” Harry says it like he was born to comfort and console. Maybe he was.

Louis looks, touches, smells and grabs, but the body in front of him doesn’t disintegrate into nothing.

“You are really here.”, he says, voice scratched.

“I am.”, Harry says, grabs him by the back of the head and presses close.

“I am here and this time I am not letting you go.” It is a promise Louis is most determined to keep in return too.

***

“Do you think, maybe, I was always supposed to be an angel? That is where the voices and the darkness came from?”, Harry asks him, later or then, impossible to know as it is with the time of heaven.

“Yes.”

“And is that why you came down? To try to save me, because angels can only die a certain, specific way?”

“No. I didn’t come down because I knew. I just… I wanted you to live. And _be._ Whoever you wanted to, I needed you to live and be yourself. It was almost as if I couldn’t imagine a world in which you _weren’t_.”

Harry smiles in return, in gratitude, but there is still a confused wrinkle on top of his brow, as if he can’t really let it go.

Perhaps he shouldn’t . Louis was very ready to let the mystery of his destiny go, just let it be and it ended up driving him close to madness more than it did him any good.

“I think I know how angels are chosen though.”, he says, trying to comfort with the only truth he learned alongside loving his angel.

“How?:, Harry’s eyes widen in wonder and excitement.

Louis leans in, to whisper it into his ear. “You have to have a good soul. Have that soul love another with its entire being. And be loved in return.”


End file.
